Hello again!
You know what! As for the 'binge' that started on Sunday, - I felt SO disappointed! I had done the 29 day challenge meeting targets on all fronts, I had stayed bingefree for another week beyond that, - I had a few challenges and less sleep over the last week but nothing too major. The 'binge' started from going over my alcohol 'allowance' this time.
I had hoped this was FINALLY the end of all bingeing for me, that I had turned the leaf for good. As I had several times before, - I had a secret confident feeling that this IS it. I had read Kathryn Hansen's wonderful e-book, 'Brain Over Binge', it made sense. However, I also had the mindset that, - a binge can form by giving into a silly fleeting urge, can feel damaging, giving in would disappoint me, I would then have to deal with all the old 'urges/feelings' which are diehard habits I had formed over the years.
When 'In the Zone', I usually don't really have any urges to binge, or even eat junk. Getting into the zone takes 2-3 days for me, and it's about ignoring urges, then they go. But when 'in the zone' the only times I feel like bingeing a bit is if I don't get a workout in on a planned day when I 'could' have,
perhaps after I'd been out eating socially with others, - and the food available was not quite as healthy as my normal choices, - but I can generally withstand those small urges and they pass and I'm pleased I don't give in to the 'less desirables'. Also lack of sleep, being tired, under influence of alcohol are other things that can lead me toward silly urges.
I wish I could say the binge just lasted Sunday and Monday, - unfortunately I let it continue Tuesday and today. I was still full this morning, and tired, dreading work. Plan was to eat nothing till hungry later in day and keep up the water as tummy had been overloaded. But my bloated tummy had a sick feeling pit, I felt really flat and had a mental urge that it needed a cheesy savoury brekkie before I started work to get productively through busy morning at work. Couldn't then decide what to have so I doubled up on 2 different things at brekkie, not really a good start today.
SO THE NEW IDEA CHANGE:
Tomorrow I am planning to start way toward a bingefree future for good again.
Major difference this time is........while the 'ultimate' is to be binge free for good from tomoz........if I DO indeed have another 'glitch' in a few months or whatever, - ...............acknowledge it happened but DON'T view it as failure and be BACK TO control the very next day.
I am saying this in the context of a perhaps a smoker. I have never smoked luckily and have never been interested and am very confident I will NEVER smoke. However a heavy smoker may attempt to quit many times. Maybe eventually they do quit for a few weeks or months, - BUT find they give into an urge and light up one evening at a party. Does this make them feel like a failure and go back to fulltime smoking again? In lots of cases it could, due to past habits, their feelings of disappointment, failure etc. But if the very next day they went back to being a non smoker, - their mental 'blocks' would change. If an ex - full time smoker had a solo evening where they 'lit up' for whatever reason every few months, that is still progress, one day they may give up totally for good.
So in relating that to binge eating or even over-indulgence of alcohol, -
* The Gold Star idea is that I never eat or drink in a way which I define as 'bingeing' again.
I don't want to make an 'excape clause' but if it DOES happen I need to put all my energies into making sure it doesn't go on for more than 1 consecutive day and place a strong emphasis on possible binges declining in frequency, not increasing.
Thursday tomoz, think tomorrows plan for overfull tummy is lemon and water for brekkie, then an orange, then lots of water, then 'suck it up' at work! Sweat up at gym, no matter what!
Pip, you're obviously giving this a lot of thought and thats a good thing. Understanding why we do the things we do is half the battle in making the difficult changes. And you know what, they ARE difficult. I've had long periods (2-3 months) with no binging and then for some stupid reason I'm back to it. But the 'back to its' get less and less frequent and are no so severe so I know I'm on the road to success. And you are too. Its just that there will be bumps and turns along the way and we have to deal with them.
ReplyDeleteHang in there!!
xx m
Hey Magda, I totally understand. For that 29 days, (and a bit) I was quite happy as I seemed to meet control standards I was happy with in all important aspects of my life! I have gone periods of even up to 6 months without a binge, (except maybe wine on a few occasions). But often 2-3 months. I never feel overstrict, never feel like I 'diet' as such and feel almost invincible if in the zone and heading close to a fitness level and body composition I am happy with. But when I slip uncontrollably hard, I feel so disappointed, overanalyse, can't seem to get the images of food/bingeing etc out of my mind, more long term chronic habit than anything else I think, - seems to distract me from all else important. I always do eventually but to truly stop this behaviour and cycle for good I think would be amazing!, - and be a fit lean size 10 with some good muscle tone! This time an additional reason I feel really annoyed about it is, - I've recently read that 'Brain Over Binge' book, the author just stopped, she said she didn't want to be someone felt successful bingeing less and or less often, and she did in the end just stop. Which is what I hoped for myself this time and kept affirming to myself that was the case. So to get back into the old familiar rut was a downer if that makes sense!
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