DOUBLE CRANKY TUESDAY!..........

Well, - if I thought I was cranky yesterday, - something late this arvo made me even crankier today, - upset, grumpy, raging angry, feeling used, hopeless, worthless, dumb, non achieveing etc etc........

That being the boss ringing me up, - out of work hours to have a discussion with me and express his concern that:
a) I am kinda working in limbo hanging out for my last day, (5 weeks, 3 days away)
b) I am not concentrating, making too many 'little' mistakes and not listening to others, (I misheard something he said once as he mumbles and forgot a customer order when I had a list to try to remember by memory)
c) That he has a business to run, and I need to be fully there and concentrate harder and never make a mistake, (I make few).  He said a few other things but that was the main jist.

I was ropeable as a) - he rang me outside of work hours when busy to discuss this so my head was out of the work 'game', - why not take me aside when we are both at work?  b) I can handle constructive comments about most things but as for this job, it is dead end, no 'go ahead' however he tries to run his franchise business with less staff, and some staff starting a bit later than other franchised stores with a similar turnover so it's chaotic and flatout mostly!  He is lucky to have good staff and does work hard himself.  In 2008 I was store manager at one of the company stores, however got demoted as it was said that I wasn't a good manager, I got an A plus for personal effort, personal productivity and hours put in to try and make it work and cover others but it was said that I wasn't good enough at managing others, - hence a demotion to store employee and a pay decrease.  I all the time curse  *why* I am still in this job, haven't progressed or moved on.  The main reasons I am still here are:
* it's full time, not casual, - I like certainty of income.
* no nights or weekends now
* I HATE writing resumes, job hunting etc in my spare time.
* Being not a confident driver limits possibilities
* I remember all the past struggles of finding employment that provides enough income to live off in Australia, (had to return to NZ twice as I ran down my savings 'trying' to look for enough work)
* Scared to leave, - that I may become a liability etc.

I have always gone that extra mile, pushed myself speed wise as much as poss to be as productive as possible, often have been silly enough to start early, finish later to help the 'team', (who all work hard) out with no extra pay.  Boss is right, - I am hanging out for my last day!  However my efforts have not decreased and I am pushing self as much as poss.  He acknowleged that reliability is no issue.  (But is that all I am useful for?)  There is a relatively new staff member to our store that has been transferred from a few shops because of personality issues with others.  She works with me, is good and efficient, punctual etc.  She is just trying to take over the leadership role in the kitchen, (natural to her) and wants stuff organised/done her way.  I can't be bothered putting her nose out of joint, her or my suggestions would work so as feel a bit peeved but 'zip' my mouth and 'go with it'.  Maybe that is putting me on the outer a bit?

Anyway, sorry for all that ramble, - I hope to have a non cranky topic soon!

Oh yeah, on a good note I had that free Body Composition Reading done today.
Height was measured, - still the same at 1.71m
Weight was 77.1, (light clothes, no shoes)
Body fat % was 32.1%
Bone mass was 2.6
Lean muscle mass was 49.7.  That was pleasing as my DEXA scan in 2008 told me it was 46.3.  And any other time I got body composition tests done muscle mass was generally 47.something kg, (had not had one done for at least 4 years)!  Therefore am truly a bit stronger like my lifting tells me, and the resistance training must be working a bit.
Metabolic age was 40, (it lowers as body fat is decreased).
Water % - 48.5

After this I went to gym to meet buddy for training session, - pushed the weights!  Then 7k running on the treadmill.  First 6k done at 0.5 incline, 11.5kmph, was stuffed, then kinda intervals for the final last km to really overkill, then abs!

Oh how I wanted a wine tonight, - crisp sauvignon blanc.  After todays upset I even got as far as walking into the bottleo between the gym and train station after my workout and bought a bottle.  But came home, refrigerated it, had tea, wrote this, urge died down for night so it won't get opened now today anyway, tough but!  Nah, can't have any till Friday!  Sorry for today's rant!