To follow on from my last post, I have decided I am ready to implement a slightly tweaked plan regarding my mission to permanently quit binge eating, get in shape, fitter and to stay that way permanently but with some potential balance. That being:
* keep off the scales for at least 8 weeks to start with.
* No wine ever is to be purchased and opened alone while chilling, - can do so only if sharing it with others or attending a social situation where others are drinking.
* At least 4 alcohol free days per week. If the desire is there to enjoy a drink, no more than 2 stubbies, (330-375ml bottles) of beer permitted if I choose to chill with a drink in my own company.
* As illustrated in the post below, - I mentioned I can have issues, (if not in zone) with sugary sweet confectionary type foods and drinks plus even deep fried beer battered fish and potato wedges or even a proper pie, (dunno why) from time to time. If IN the zone the foods don't generally ever bother me at all, but if I start, - I tend to eventually binge, - a mindset I need to lose! To combat this I have decided to give myself a 1000 calorie weekly budget if I choose to indulge in any of these types of foods, (sweet confectionary/deep fried or foods with pastry) outside of social occasions where I feel slightly out of place if I don't have what has been prepared in moderation. These indulgences are to be worked in as meals, or parts of meals or snacks, - not just extras on top of normal intake. I am not going to be paranoid enough, (not the point of this exercise) to worry whether my 1000 cal estimate is infact 942 or even 1012 calories. However some estimations of about 1000 cals a hit are: an average restaurant serve of beer battered fish with wedges OR 1 medium pie, 50g chocolate bar, can of coke, (not my style), OR a large 'skim' frappucino or smoothie with a piece of caramel slice OR 180-200g chocolate OR 3 small serves of homemade lemon pudding as a mid arvo snack, (over 3 days of course). I can choose to use none or all of my 1000 cal budget, in a week. However like alcohol, I can't carry unused calories into a future week. The purpose of this, is IF I choose to indulge in what have previously been troublesome foods, some boundaries are there and I will always feel better about myself if I keep to my boundaries.
* Now, just need to ramp up training again! I am well behind now on my running 1000km this year challenge. Training goal for this week: - 20 running kms, - happy to just jog and make up the mileage without pressure of times/hills yet, 20km bike ride, 2 x Crossfit beginner classes.
Sorry this sounds a bit boring and technical. It's better and quicker than handwriting it. Will be back next Sunday to report these doings and eventualities. :-) Will make sure I wake up tomorrow, (Monday) morning feeling as confident as I do now.
Other news: - have passed all content to do with my study over this first intake, - YAY!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
CROSSFIT, NEW JOURNEY, SACRIFICE, RESTRICTION.......
Firstly, - I attended my first two Crossfit beginners classes last week. The instructor is awesome, it is a style of training I want to keep up, - and improve DRAMATICALLY with. Through my own doings, (overeating) I am ashamed of my current fitness level all round, and feel very annoyed with myself, as much as I've tried the positive self talk and all! When I was asked if I'd ever done resistance training, - I replied, not recently so she didn't expect too much! At the last session, after a warm up and stretches we had a skill session where we learnt push presses, (basic level bar) and deadlifts and I mastered these easily at the time. The push presses used a different technique than I'd ever used before, - a little dip, then having to pull head through the bar during the 'push' phase. I have been doing Body pump classes off and on since I was 18.
After practise of the 'skill' moves, we went on to do an 8 minute workout which involved completing a 200m run, 7 push presses and 7 deadlifts as many times as possible. Once I got to the push presses first time, I felt I wasn't doing them right, was trying to copy the others and hoped no-one was trying to copy me! But I was purposefully at the back of the pack, so soon everyone was onto deadlifts. During the second sequence near the end, the instructor spotted me and tried to give me pointers so I listened and did more repetitions this round. I have found in classes such as pump, I could just follow the moves of the instructors up the front, - here I am going to need to learn all the moves! I can feel myself over-trying and getting frustrated if I don't learn or pick up new moves as quickly as I want but REALLY want to keep doing this. I arrived to class early, saw an experienced class during the second part of their workout and they looked amazing! I want to perform like the fit chicks in that class!!!
Another thing, - in regard to binge eating I haven't really kicked it to the kerb at all, - I don't want to go near the scales but all my largest clothes are almost bursting at the seams. I have XL semi fitted icebreaker tops I was wearing without too many rolls showing through and no jumpers when dipping below 80kg. Now the rolls have resurfaced and breasts have enlarged again. My larger shaped jackets are now overstrained if done up, - best bet is a baggy thick jumper. Guessing I've hit the mid 80s like at the beginning of the year. Plus stomach is big in relation to hips, not good for the tops of trousers as the friction turns the tops of waistband over, - up to a couple of times. I had made good ground, with a bit of an improvement in fitness levels this year so am gutted to have lost that.
I had been trying a version of intuitive eating, - no restricting. However I still don't like that. If 'in the zone' I stick to habits I'm happy with, - with sugar I genuinely don't want confectionary food for example. For a few months I can eat no sugary confectionary, (excepting social occasions where I feel rude if I don't in a moderate quantity) and not feel deprived at all, infact invincible and no desire for it.. Then for some reason I get an urge for something like a serve of lemony pudding, - then decide to allow what I consider a reasonable quantity, and then have it without guilt. That is fine, - however often the next day I get a really strong urge for say caramello chocolate, then decide on a portion, eat it without the guilt. Then the next day something else.........the point I am making is that eventually leads to full blown bingeing, where my sabotaging brain wants 'everything' - even if a week down the track, - a belief that needs changed. I guess this philosophy is similar for smokers if they re-start after quitting.
Next it occured to me: generally to get where we most desire or want in life, we need to restrict or sacrifice in other areas of our life, that applies for most things.
I received what I thought was a nice comment this week. A new friend who lives near me, (but not from here), said I seem 'different' than others in her circle who are 'from' here. I asked 'how', - she said more open to new ideas, open minded, can talk travel, accepting of most type of people, can talk about a life of a radius of more than 200k from me lol! I thought that was nice.
I am still scheming my next travel plans: - am thinking of a trip mid next year to somewhere for a couple of weeks. Not sure if it will be a week long cycling tour in Hawaii, or a trip to Canada and a hiking/biking trip at the Rockies along with a stay in Vancouver, or a biking/hiking tour somewhere in Europe or something totally different from that. I really enjoyed my G-Adventures trip to Thailand as it got off the beaten tourist track and we did/saw lots of much stuff! Have cracked down with expenses to a pleasing degree.
But to make these travel plans happen, (a trip somewhere every second year) I have decided I need to:
* Stop the habit of a facial every 2 months and the expensive serums and skincare routine I started. Back to a supermarket cleanser, combined moisturisor/sunscreen.
* Have substituted expensive Salon shampoo for Tressemae!
* Stick to my rules about the amount I spend on alcohol, and consume.
* Stick to a budget in regard to food, also everything else.
* Full time study next year to extend on from my online course this year won't be an option, - need income.
* My scheming ideas of starting a new business, - (I have visualised already how this imaginary business will function/operate).......need to be put on hold.
For me I reckon it's the same with food. Black and white. Eg, confectionary food not for me (unless for the social occasions talked above as I'm realistic) if I want to be functionally fit and lean and stay that way. Deep fried food, (such as battered fresh fish and wedges) don't need to be completely off limits but really should form no more than a small part of our diet. Thing is again, I can go months without such food easily, - then may get an 'urge' and give in to what I consider a reasonable portion without guilt. Then the next day, want a various pizza, eventually seems to lead to out of control bingeing to some degree. Maybe I can opt for something like a free meal per week, (where I can have a savoury indulgence in what I deem a 'reasonable' quantity) if I desire it, - but that's it, till the next week, and I can't save these meals up for a 'binge'. If unused, - it's unused.
I have read further blogs and articles about people with a history of wildly yo-yoing weights who end up out of shape and want to rectify this for good. Seriously my 'on track' choices seem to amount to 1200-1500 cals daily, - which some argue is low while others, (Michelle Bridges is an example of someone who I read says she eats 1200-1300 cals daily and she is active!) When I eat say that 1200-1500 cals, I think it's quite a bit of food, biggish portions and never feel over hungry or deprived, - probably due to the types of foods I choose, - and if I compare it to what I see others eat, I feel it's plentiful. But I'm not a fruit juice or soft drink haver, so my food portions are bigger than someone who would need to account for my food here but seem to eat next to nothing. And have never followed a 'specific' diet. Some sites say women need at least 2000 cals very minimum a day, - if I had that amount while training I would balloon further and feel a bit over-full to train. And I have read those depressing articles (such as one in readers digest) saying that someone that has maintained a particular weight, requires more food than someone who has reduced,(even worse yoyo reduced) to get to that particular weight to maintain.
Congrats to anyone who has gotten to the end of this novel. No, - I don't think you can outweigh science and eat more calories than you burn and still lose fat. Nor do I think you have to cut out any food groups, - but for health most of it obviously needs to be the nutritious stuff. And yes, while I don't like the terms 'sacrifice' and 'restriction' sometimes I think for me is needed for longer term gain! I totally appreciate how different things also work for different people in all aspects of life.
I have a couple of goals for this week coming.
After practise of the 'skill' moves, we went on to do an 8 minute workout which involved completing a 200m run, 7 push presses and 7 deadlifts as many times as possible. Once I got to the push presses first time, I felt I wasn't doing them right, was trying to copy the others and hoped no-one was trying to copy me! But I was purposefully at the back of the pack, so soon everyone was onto deadlifts. During the second sequence near the end, the instructor spotted me and tried to give me pointers so I listened and did more repetitions this round. I have found in classes such as pump, I could just follow the moves of the instructors up the front, - here I am going to need to learn all the moves! I can feel myself over-trying and getting frustrated if I don't learn or pick up new moves as quickly as I want but REALLY want to keep doing this. I arrived to class early, saw an experienced class during the second part of their workout and they looked amazing! I want to perform like the fit chicks in that class!!!
Another thing, - in regard to binge eating I haven't really kicked it to the kerb at all, - I don't want to go near the scales but all my largest clothes are almost bursting at the seams. I have XL semi fitted icebreaker tops I was wearing without too many rolls showing through and no jumpers when dipping below 80kg. Now the rolls have resurfaced and breasts have enlarged again. My larger shaped jackets are now overstrained if done up, - best bet is a baggy thick jumper. Guessing I've hit the mid 80s like at the beginning of the year. Plus stomach is big in relation to hips, not good for the tops of trousers as the friction turns the tops of waistband over, - up to a couple of times. I had made good ground, with a bit of an improvement in fitness levels this year so am gutted to have lost that.
I had been trying a version of intuitive eating, - no restricting. However I still don't like that. If 'in the zone' I stick to habits I'm happy with, - with sugar I genuinely don't want confectionary food for example. For a few months I can eat no sugary confectionary, (excepting social occasions where I feel rude if I don't in a moderate quantity) and not feel deprived at all, infact invincible and no desire for it.. Then for some reason I get an urge for something like a serve of lemony pudding, - then decide to allow what I consider a reasonable quantity, and then have it without guilt. That is fine, - however often the next day I get a really strong urge for say caramello chocolate, then decide on a portion, eat it without the guilt. Then the next day something else.........the point I am making is that eventually leads to full blown bingeing, where my sabotaging brain wants 'everything' - even if a week down the track, - a belief that needs changed. I guess this philosophy is similar for smokers if they re-start after quitting.
Next it occured to me: generally to get where we most desire or want in life, we need to restrict or sacrifice in other areas of our life, that applies for most things.
I received what I thought was a nice comment this week. A new friend who lives near me, (but not from here), said I seem 'different' than others in her circle who are 'from' here. I asked 'how', - she said more open to new ideas, open minded, can talk travel, accepting of most type of people, can talk about a life of a radius of more than 200k from me lol! I thought that was nice.
I am still scheming my next travel plans: - am thinking of a trip mid next year to somewhere for a couple of weeks. Not sure if it will be a week long cycling tour in Hawaii, or a trip to Canada and a hiking/biking trip at the Rockies along with a stay in Vancouver, or a biking/hiking tour somewhere in Europe or something totally different from that. I really enjoyed my G-Adventures trip to Thailand as it got off the beaten tourist track and we did/saw lots of much stuff! Have cracked down with expenses to a pleasing degree.
But to make these travel plans happen, (a trip somewhere every second year) I have decided I need to:
* Stop the habit of a facial every 2 months and the expensive serums and skincare routine I started. Back to a supermarket cleanser, combined moisturisor/sunscreen.
* Have substituted expensive Salon shampoo for Tressemae!
* Stick to my rules about the amount I spend on alcohol, and consume.
* Stick to a budget in regard to food, also everything else.
* Full time study next year to extend on from my online course this year won't be an option, - need income.
* My scheming ideas of starting a new business, - (I have visualised already how this imaginary business will function/operate).......need to be put on hold.
For me I reckon it's the same with food. Black and white. Eg, confectionary food not for me (unless for the social occasions talked above as I'm realistic) if I want to be functionally fit and lean and stay that way. Deep fried food, (such as battered fresh fish and wedges) don't need to be completely off limits but really should form no more than a small part of our diet. Thing is again, I can go months without such food easily, - then may get an 'urge' and give in to what I consider a reasonable portion without guilt. Then the next day, want a various pizza, eventually seems to lead to out of control bingeing to some degree. Maybe I can opt for something like a free meal per week, (where I can have a savoury indulgence in what I deem a 'reasonable' quantity) if I desire it, - but that's it, till the next week, and I can't save these meals up for a 'binge'. If unused, - it's unused.
I have read further blogs and articles about people with a history of wildly yo-yoing weights who end up out of shape and want to rectify this for good. Seriously my 'on track' choices seem to amount to 1200-1500 cals daily, - which some argue is low while others, (Michelle Bridges is an example of someone who I read says she eats 1200-1300 cals daily and she is active!) When I eat say that 1200-1500 cals, I think it's quite a bit of food, biggish portions and never feel over hungry or deprived, - probably due to the types of foods I choose, - and if I compare it to what I see others eat, I feel it's plentiful. But I'm not a fruit juice or soft drink haver, so my food portions are bigger than someone who would need to account for my food here but seem to eat next to nothing. And have never followed a 'specific' diet. Some sites say women need at least 2000 cals very minimum a day, - if I had that amount while training I would balloon further and feel a bit over-full to train. And I have read those depressing articles (such as one in readers digest) saying that someone that has maintained a particular weight, requires more food than someone who has reduced,(even worse yoyo reduced) to get to that particular weight to maintain.
Congrats to anyone who has gotten to the end of this novel. No, - I don't think you can outweigh science and eat more calories than you burn and still lose fat. Nor do I think you have to cut out any food groups, - but for health most of it obviously needs to be the nutritious stuff. And yes, while I don't like the terms 'sacrifice' and 'restriction' sometimes I think for me is needed for longer term gain! I totally appreciate how different things also work for different people in all aspects of life.
I have a couple of goals for this week coming.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Good Things and Frustrations
I am grateful for so many things, - lovely house, furniture, awesome family, great friends, health, current opportunities plus much much more! :-)
But I'm so impatient! I want everything now! I work so hard, undo it all, over and over before achieving what I know I'm capable of!
I submitted the last part of my study, enjoyable but I need to get MUCH better at time management! I have a small business idea I want to give a good shot in the um, next 20 if not 10 or 5 years! The thought of work where I enjoy the challenge and believe in what I'm doing = bliss!!! But how to get started, seems so far removed from my position now!
I really want to travel more, - undertaking various experiences overseas. Still a bike ride of a week through The Big Island, Hawaii, - a trip to Canada, (bliss) hopefully a bikeride/hike around the rockies amongst it! Have not been to Europe, would like to go and I have a few things I'd luv to do there. Not to mention a hike in Nepal, - am really keen to experience that at some point! Of course some relaxing amongst such trips too! The desire to travel has that *urgency* feel to it right now!
I am loving my nephew so much when I get to see him, he is now 5 and a half weeks old already, has started smiling, he is getting stronger, he is beaut!
Thing is with me: - I have all these things I want to do, - travel, - study, change of work, work toward starting business. HOWEVER, - I will be 33 in July and I don't want to write the idea off completely of finding a man, having an awesome relationship, getting married and having a kid.
In saying that, - I have a very full busy life right now, struggle to look after myself, I love sporting events, and would be still be very content if I never had an awesome man or had kids.
However IF the man/kids thing was ever to happen I would love to be/have maintained lifestyle habits I'm proud of, be happy with my fitness level/body composition, I would want to have crossed more off my 'to do' travel list and I would want my work situation to be different! I am not the type who wants to marry a guy with money, me do nothing, him do all for me, - I like the 50/50 type split style better and working as a team! There are no men on the horizon at all, that appeal/are available and I don't have time right now haha!
Right now I know I need to stop thinking of the big lofty dreams/goals of the future, controlling the controllables, and take it day by day, cross off little achievements......and keep that going!
As for my current job, - incase you are wondering, it is sorting out tulip bulbs which come past me on a conveyor belt, - where I pick out the the ones not up to quality, - 8 plus hours of that daily! 2 months ago I was peeling these same bulbs as they came past on a conveyor belt. Think it may rise to 10 hour days this week. (Feel my enthusiasm other than money!!!) Lovely people to work with, I get on with everyone great, - seriously though! There are qualified, technical and mechanically minded people who do the more challenging jobs at my workplace. I do need to stay focussed on the job, keep my eyes open despite constant yawning and make sure my hands and eyes stay working fast enough! I am lucky to be working!
Am starting Crossfit this week, (new, exciting, scary, am concerned how bad I may be), have no assessments lingering this week, - instead just want to revise what I've submitted and learned. I aim to report back with better outcomes regarding my lifestyle doings at the end of the week, 1 day at a time though!
Pip :-)
But I'm so impatient! I want everything now! I work so hard, undo it all, over and over before achieving what I know I'm capable of!
I submitted the last part of my study, enjoyable but I need to get MUCH better at time management! I have a small business idea I want to give a good shot in the um, next 20 if not 10 or 5 years! The thought of work where I enjoy the challenge and believe in what I'm doing = bliss!!! But how to get started, seems so far removed from my position now!
I really want to travel more, - undertaking various experiences overseas. Still a bike ride of a week through The Big Island, Hawaii, - a trip to Canada, (bliss) hopefully a bikeride/hike around the rockies amongst it! Have not been to Europe, would like to go and I have a few things I'd luv to do there. Not to mention a hike in Nepal, - am really keen to experience that at some point! Of course some relaxing amongst such trips too! The desire to travel has that *urgency* feel to it right now!
I am loving my nephew so much when I get to see him, he is now 5 and a half weeks old already, has started smiling, he is getting stronger, he is beaut!
Thing is with me: - I have all these things I want to do, - travel, - study, change of work, work toward starting business. HOWEVER, - I will be 33 in July and I don't want to write the idea off completely of finding a man, having an awesome relationship, getting married and having a kid.
In saying that, - I have a very full busy life right now, struggle to look after myself, I love sporting events, and would be still be very content if I never had an awesome man or had kids.
However IF the man/kids thing was ever to happen I would love to be/have maintained lifestyle habits I'm proud of, be happy with my fitness level/body composition, I would want to have crossed more off my 'to do' travel list and I would want my work situation to be different! I am not the type who wants to marry a guy with money, me do nothing, him do all for me, - I like the 50/50 type split style better and working as a team! There are no men on the horizon at all, that appeal/are available and I don't have time right now haha!
Right now I know I need to stop thinking of the big lofty dreams/goals of the future, controlling the controllables, and take it day by day, cross off little achievements......and keep that going!
As for my current job, - incase you are wondering, it is sorting out tulip bulbs which come past me on a conveyor belt, - where I pick out the the ones not up to quality, - 8 plus hours of that daily! 2 months ago I was peeling these same bulbs as they came past on a conveyor belt. Think it may rise to 10 hour days this week. (Feel my enthusiasm other than money!!!) Lovely people to work with, I get on with everyone great, - seriously though! There are qualified, technical and mechanically minded people who do the more challenging jobs at my workplace. I do need to stay focussed on the job, keep my eyes open despite constant yawning and make sure my hands and eyes stay working fast enough! I am lucky to be working!
Am starting Crossfit this week, (new, exciting, scary, am concerned how bad I may be), have no assessments lingering this week, - instead just want to revise what I've submitted and learned. I aim to report back with better outcomes regarding my lifestyle doings at the end of the week, 1 day at a time though!
Pip :-)
Sunday, April 14, 2013
NON INSPIRING OF LATE.........
Well, - wish I had an inspiring blog post to write, - not really.
The 'challenge' didn't even fire away last week as I intended it to. Disappointed about that. Finding the balance required to get study in, train, work, have a social life, be organised, get enough sleep etc has still eluded me.
Biggest mental strain has indeed been the study. I get it done at a snails pace, but it consumes lots of my time when not working! I enjoy the topics, but just work myself into bouts of frustration in the process.
And when attempting to stop binge eating (with the idea of it FINALLY being for good)....my old habits/sabotaging part of brain/animal brain or whatever it's called still went on in it's sabotaging/hopeless type of way. All the negative self talk, such as 'you won't succeed long term/haven't yet etc' kept surfacing! I'm naturally a 'black and white' type more so, - last week was attempting a more 'grey' side of things, - but just didn't like that so much as I didn't feel there was enough drive or focus to really move forward in anything!
On the plus, I made it through all weeknights without alcohol, - although sadly made up for it (too much) on Friday and Saturday night followed by stupid totally crazy eating. Last week when I was studying, (still trying to find my ideal 'zone' and dreading a hard training session to tell me what newly gained fitness was lost)......strong crazy irrational sabotaging 'thoughts' about crazy foods 'I just wanted to tick off, before feeling 'on track', were on my mind. I had some of them, ignored the urges for others, (which left) eventually.
The silly thing I will say again is, - when 'on track' I genuinely very rarely have a desire for such types of food, - if for some reason I do I can organise to enjoy some in a quantity I consider reasonable and that is that if I choose.
I'm so so over talking about binge eating or feeling I have a problem with it. I've infact been reading up on it heaps recently. I'm mad that I haven't permanently rectified this yet, I know I CAN do it, and even HAVE done it for 6 consecutive months before on a couple of occasions.
In saying that, - I totally respect, look up to and admire many qualified bloggers who manage to juggle training, work, family, maybe study and a life. And I know by the scheme of the problems in the world and that many people face, - mine are very minor. What I would love is: to say 'I will never binge eat or drink an amount of alochol I'm ashamed of, ever again and actually believe it, - and for anyone I told to actually believe me'!
Actions are louder than words, and I don't ever give up! :-) Time to snap the yoyo for good!
The 'challenge' didn't even fire away last week as I intended it to. Disappointed about that. Finding the balance required to get study in, train, work, have a social life, be organised, get enough sleep etc has still eluded me.
Biggest mental strain has indeed been the study. I get it done at a snails pace, but it consumes lots of my time when not working! I enjoy the topics, but just work myself into bouts of frustration in the process.
And when attempting to stop binge eating (with the idea of it FINALLY being for good)....my old habits/sabotaging part of brain/animal brain or whatever it's called still went on in it's sabotaging/hopeless type of way. All the negative self talk, such as 'you won't succeed long term/haven't yet etc' kept surfacing! I'm naturally a 'black and white' type more so, - last week was attempting a more 'grey' side of things, - but just didn't like that so much as I didn't feel there was enough drive or focus to really move forward in anything!
On the plus, I made it through all weeknights without alcohol, - although sadly made up for it (too much) on Friday and Saturday night followed by stupid totally crazy eating. Last week when I was studying, (still trying to find my ideal 'zone' and dreading a hard training session to tell me what newly gained fitness was lost)......strong crazy irrational sabotaging 'thoughts' about crazy foods 'I just wanted to tick off, before feeling 'on track', were on my mind. I had some of them, ignored the urges for others, (which left) eventually.
The silly thing I will say again is, - when 'on track' I genuinely very rarely have a desire for such types of food, - if for some reason I do I can organise to enjoy some in a quantity I consider reasonable and that is that if I choose.
I'm so so over talking about binge eating or feeling I have a problem with it. I've infact been reading up on it heaps recently. I'm mad that I haven't permanently rectified this yet, I know I CAN do it, and even HAVE done it for 6 consecutive months before on a couple of occasions.
In saying that, - I totally respect, look up to and admire many qualified bloggers who manage to juggle training, work, family, maybe study and a life. And I know by the scheme of the problems in the world and that many people face, - mine are very minor. What I would love is: to say 'I will never binge eat or drink an amount of alochol I'm ashamed of, ever again and actually believe it, - and for anyone I told to actually believe me'!
Actions are louder than words, and I don't ever give up! :-) Time to snap the yoyo for good!
Monday, April 8, 2013
EMOTIONS...........DAY 1
In response to the challenge I was supposed to start today.............it wasn't the best!
I was psyching myself up last night, - * this will be it, end of the 'yo-yo' garbage etc. I will *get* and *stay* fit.
Monday-itus set in. Late last week we were told we were expected to have today off work. Therefore as I spent most of Easter studying, - I decided to relax, do other stuff over the weekend with the *intention* to study most of today haha! The work situation changed, Sunday evening we were informed we were working today. No problem and the nature of the business I know. However I do plan my time and was cursing the fact I decided to relax/do housework/enjoyable activites as well/bumming around most of the weekend! I will still get the study done, no dire measure needed yet!
I'm usually more psyched in the evening, less when woken by alarm in the morning.
Another little thing, - from the runs/events I've participated in I have run into a girl I went to school with in 2 of my races, have added eachother on facebook. She gave me a message about up and coming races, it was great to hear from her, I told her how I was considering joining a local social netball team, - but with 1 evening practice a week, then a social Friday evening game, I decided I may be taking on too much if I do the 2 Crossfit workouts a week, (which I've put my name down for and followed up further with today). To get to those Crossfit workouts is 30k each way from my home. Also still want to get my minimum of 20k a week running in along with a ride and swim or preferably both. I would love to do the social netball, but think the Crossfit would be more beneficial fitness wise and they would overlap.
Anyway this girl I went to high school with invited me to play social basketball on her team. I told her I'd never played, wasn't fully sure of the rules. This is one day a week, (Monday evenings) and the trip is over 40k each way the other direction from the town with Crossfit! She said the teams were purely very social, but had been playing for ages! I imagined they all knew each other well, supported each other but would play fairly and aggressively in reason. My friend who invited me, said tonights opposition team included lots of her work mates so there could be some fun rivelry!
We worked late and a), I couldn't be arsed going and it would have been a rushed trip, b), I wanted to study more, (got a small bit done) and c), - the main one, - I was scared! I was scared of not picking up the rules as quickly as I wanted, scared of not looking as good as the other players, scared of making dumb errors. I know I would get encouragement such as 'pass here Pip, next time do 'this' instead of 'this' and too much would make me nervous, anxious, myself feeling the need to 'overtry', then me feeling deflated and hopeless on the drive home! So I didn't go, sent her a text saying we were working late.
Don't know what it was.....just general habit on 'day 1' of starting a challenge which I hope to last a lifetime I think, BUT my mind was in overdrive about wanting....caramello chocolate, starbucks caramel frappacino, lemon self saucing pudding, sweet toblerone cocktail, skinny flat white, wine, cheese and crackers, kahlua coffee, even macaroni cheese and some gourmet pizza! Not particularly wanting just one of these, but the self sabotaging brain wanting ALL! I have experienced this on the first couple of days of a new 'challenge', but after a couple of days of not listening, the urges for such food completely go, (other than the skinny flat white coffee and wine!)
YES, I can eat any of the above foods if I really want them, none are banned, - but I just want to eat them in a way where I'm happy with decision/amount, and where I feel control, no sabotage or guilt. BUT the funny thing is when in the zone, - I'm genuinely not interested. If I really was, and knew I would be satisfied with a distinct something, and distinct portion, occasionally I'd have it.
All a mental game I know. As for tonight, I overdid the chocolate but nothing else on the above list but right now feel too sickly full but not interested to get my hands on anything else right now. To get rid of the 'oversweet' feel from the chocolate I had some egg white/salmon/vegie quiche, lunch tomoz too.
So nothing new! I just guess it's just winning the challenge of controlling moods, making controlled non-sabotaging decisions I'm happy with. Self sabotaging thoughts/urges do leave if ignored....such as tonights wine one!
I was psyching myself up last night, - * this will be it, end of the 'yo-yo' garbage etc. I will *get* and *stay* fit.
Monday-itus set in. Late last week we were told we were expected to have today off work. Therefore as I spent most of Easter studying, - I decided to relax, do other stuff over the weekend with the *intention* to study most of today haha! The work situation changed, Sunday evening we were informed we were working today. No problem and the nature of the business I know. However I do plan my time and was cursing the fact I decided to relax/do housework/enjoyable activites as well/bumming around most of the weekend! I will still get the study done, no dire measure needed yet!
I'm usually more psyched in the evening, less when woken by alarm in the morning.
Another little thing, - from the runs/events I've participated in I have run into a girl I went to school with in 2 of my races, have added eachother on facebook. She gave me a message about up and coming races, it was great to hear from her, I told her how I was considering joining a local social netball team, - but with 1 evening practice a week, then a social Friday evening game, I decided I may be taking on too much if I do the 2 Crossfit workouts a week, (which I've put my name down for and followed up further with today). To get to those Crossfit workouts is 30k each way from my home. Also still want to get my minimum of 20k a week running in along with a ride and swim or preferably both. I would love to do the social netball, but think the Crossfit would be more beneficial fitness wise and they would overlap.
Anyway this girl I went to high school with invited me to play social basketball on her team. I told her I'd never played, wasn't fully sure of the rules. This is one day a week, (Monday evenings) and the trip is over 40k each way the other direction from the town with Crossfit! She said the teams were purely very social, but had been playing for ages! I imagined they all knew each other well, supported each other but would play fairly and aggressively in reason. My friend who invited me, said tonights opposition team included lots of her work mates so there could be some fun rivelry!
We worked late and a), I couldn't be arsed going and it would have been a rushed trip, b), I wanted to study more, (got a small bit done) and c), - the main one, - I was scared! I was scared of not picking up the rules as quickly as I wanted, scared of not looking as good as the other players, scared of making dumb errors. I know I would get encouragement such as 'pass here Pip, next time do 'this' instead of 'this' and too much would make me nervous, anxious, myself feeling the need to 'overtry', then me feeling deflated and hopeless on the drive home! So I didn't go, sent her a text saying we were working late.
Don't know what it was.....just general habit on 'day 1' of starting a challenge which I hope to last a lifetime I think, BUT my mind was in overdrive about wanting....caramello chocolate, starbucks caramel frappacino, lemon self saucing pudding, sweet toblerone cocktail, skinny flat white, wine, cheese and crackers, kahlua coffee, even macaroni cheese and some gourmet pizza! Not particularly wanting just one of these, but the self sabotaging brain wanting ALL! I have experienced this on the first couple of days of a new 'challenge', but after a couple of days of not listening, the urges for such food completely go, (other than the skinny flat white coffee and wine!)
YES, I can eat any of the above foods if I really want them, none are banned, - but I just want to eat them in a way where I'm happy with decision/amount, and where I feel control, no sabotage or guilt. BUT the funny thing is when in the zone, - I'm genuinely not interested. If I really was, and knew I would be satisfied with a distinct something, and distinct portion, occasionally I'd have it.
All a mental game I know. As for tonight, I overdid the chocolate but nothing else on the above list but right now feel too sickly full but not interested to get my hands on anything else right now. To get rid of the 'oversweet' feel from the chocolate I had some egg white/salmon/vegie quiche, lunch tomoz too.
So nothing new! I just guess it's just winning the challenge of controlling moods, making controlled non-sabotaging decisions I'm happy with. Self sabotaging thoughts/urges do leave if ignored....such as tonights wine one!
Sunday, April 7, 2013
REV UP!!! CONTINUATION FROM LAST POST!
G'day! To continue from my last post I decided to get in quickly to outline what I'm going to achieve from this challenge, (or whatever you like to call it), - starting tomorrow.
* Length, = 12 weeks! However the idea is for this to extend in some form forever as it's a lifestyle I wish to maintain. I'm using the 12 week thing as it gives a defined time to achieve some specific things, fitness and composition related. The other upside is it will be awesome to say I've stuck to the lifestyle standards I value consistently for 12 weeks! Start date = 8th April, (tomorrow). Day 84 = 30th June. I will work though in weekly blocks!
* Fat/composition/weight (or whatever you like to call it): is in want of some work if I'm serious about my fitness goals and future work in the fitness or nutrition industry. That coupled with feeling fitter faster and stronger, moving better, being more efficient, and in my opinion looking better is why I want to improve this. Right now I'd say I'm 83ish kg, (give or take a kg) at 1.71m. I don't wish to weigh myself as things don't seem to happen as fast as even a couple of years ago on the scales, and also despite consistent work, numbers don't drop in a consistent fashion weekly and I don't want weekly weigh ins to cloud whether I'm 'succeeding or not'. I don't want to put too much pressure on a goal weight for 30 June, - around 62kg is what I consider ultimation, running is fast then - but unachieveable for this challenge, (unless that's my only focus)! 67-72kg actually looks pretty fit on me, not bad in a bikini, - particularly if I strength train, - upper end could be achieveable at a pinch! I decided on goal weight for end of the 12 weeks to be sub 75.
* Even moreso than the body composition thing it is important that I live in line with my values. I have managed to not binge for periods over 3 months before and have even gone over 6 straight months without letting one glitch turn into focus loss, - unfortunately eventually it always has though, and I strongly desire for this to end permanently.
Lifestyle balance has never been my fort'e. I've managed the work, training, social life/relationship balance but add study to the mix and I've struggled, and have also struggled with staying on track/focussed with long term travel/money goals! 12 weeks with organisation and balance standards that I'm happy with is what I'm striving for!
Such standards are:
* Not binge, own my choices, not feel guilty, (only food rules!)
* Alcohol needs a couple of guidelines. 1) They are: have at least 4 alcohol free days per week every week. 2) Never open a bottle of wine if I don't have anyone to share that particular bottle of wine with! I used to be really bad with that, have cut back lots on the frequency but still have a bottle, (occasionally more) too regularly in my own company while chilling out! Fun at the time but it doesn't work in with my other goals and I never regret wine I don't drink! If I don't have a social life and want to drink, on 3 nights of the week I can have up to 2 small bottles/stubbies of beer if I really wish! That's enough booze rules! I don't get regretfully drunk in public so that's not a problem!
* With training, - 20 plus k a week of running, (some long runs, some treadmill hill slogs/variety is key with aim of improving times). Either a 1k swim OR 20k plus efficient bike ride OR RPM class to be completed weekly with aim of good or improving form and improving efficiency. Achieving the ride and swim, - even better!
I will achieve at least 2 strength sessions per week. That can either be 20 mins of consistent moves such as pushups, plank, dips, lunges, dumbell moves etc, (I work to a challenging level) OR a Pump class, (if I join a gym!) I'm not a current gym member.
ALSO: - I have put my name down for when my nearest town next have 'elements' classes on. These are 'training' classes for Crossfit. There are 4 elements classes, where we learn/practice the basic moves. If I decide from them, that I want to do Crossfit, I would aim to incorporate 2 Crossfit workouts into my weekly training and use that as my resistance work. My research on Crossfit makes me want to try it! Without saying, if cause of injury or illness I decide it in my best interests to modify or scrap a workout(s), I'm to be fine with, and own that decision.
* Enough water, no coke zero, (or diet soft drink) and scheduling workout, (and study times), plus recording workout doings.
That's about it :-)
Week 1 goals: Just get 'her' done! That's the 20k running, 2 20 min resistance sessions and a 20k ride and 1k swim, - plan, do and record doings! No performance pressure yet! Succeed on the other goals so I can tick off a successful week.
* Length, = 12 weeks! However the idea is for this to extend in some form forever as it's a lifestyle I wish to maintain. I'm using the 12 week thing as it gives a defined time to achieve some specific things, fitness and composition related. The other upside is it will be awesome to say I've stuck to the lifestyle standards I value consistently for 12 weeks! Start date = 8th April, (tomorrow). Day 84 = 30th June. I will work though in weekly blocks!
* Fat/composition/weight (or whatever you like to call it): is in want of some work if I'm serious about my fitness goals and future work in the fitness or nutrition industry. That coupled with feeling fitter faster and stronger, moving better, being more efficient, and in my opinion looking better is why I want to improve this. Right now I'd say I'm 83ish kg, (give or take a kg) at 1.71m. I don't wish to weigh myself as things don't seem to happen as fast as even a couple of years ago on the scales, and also despite consistent work, numbers don't drop in a consistent fashion weekly and I don't want weekly weigh ins to cloud whether I'm 'succeeding or not'. I don't want to put too much pressure on a goal weight for 30 June, - around 62kg is what I consider ultimation, running is fast then - but unachieveable for this challenge, (unless that's my only focus)! 67-72kg actually looks pretty fit on me, not bad in a bikini, - particularly if I strength train, - upper end could be achieveable at a pinch! I decided on goal weight for end of the 12 weeks to be sub 75.
* Even moreso than the body composition thing it is important that I live in line with my values. I have managed to not binge for periods over 3 months before and have even gone over 6 straight months without letting one glitch turn into focus loss, - unfortunately eventually it always has though, and I strongly desire for this to end permanently.
Lifestyle balance has never been my fort'e. I've managed the work, training, social life/relationship balance but add study to the mix and I've struggled, and have also struggled with staying on track/focussed with long term travel/money goals! 12 weeks with organisation and balance standards that I'm happy with is what I'm striving for!
Such standards are:
* Not binge, own my choices, not feel guilty, (only food rules!)
* Alcohol needs a couple of guidelines. 1) They are: have at least 4 alcohol free days per week every week. 2) Never open a bottle of wine if I don't have anyone to share that particular bottle of wine with! I used to be really bad with that, have cut back lots on the frequency but still have a bottle, (occasionally more) too regularly in my own company while chilling out! Fun at the time but it doesn't work in with my other goals and I never regret wine I don't drink! If I don't have a social life and want to drink, on 3 nights of the week I can have up to 2 small bottles/stubbies of beer if I really wish! That's enough booze rules! I don't get regretfully drunk in public so that's not a problem!
* With training, - 20 plus k a week of running, (some long runs, some treadmill hill slogs/variety is key with aim of improving times). Either a 1k swim OR 20k plus efficient bike ride OR RPM class to be completed weekly with aim of good or improving form and improving efficiency. Achieving the ride and swim, - even better!
I will achieve at least 2 strength sessions per week. That can either be 20 mins of consistent moves such as pushups, plank, dips, lunges, dumbell moves etc, (I work to a challenging level) OR a Pump class, (if I join a gym!) I'm not a current gym member.
ALSO: - I have put my name down for when my nearest town next have 'elements' classes on. These are 'training' classes for Crossfit. There are 4 elements classes, where we learn/practice the basic moves. If I decide from them, that I want to do Crossfit, I would aim to incorporate 2 Crossfit workouts into my weekly training and use that as my resistance work. My research on Crossfit makes me want to try it! Without saying, if cause of injury or illness I decide it in my best interests to modify or scrap a workout(s), I'm to be fine with, and own that decision.
* Enough water, no coke zero, (or diet soft drink) and scheduling workout, (and study times), plus recording workout doings.
That's about it :-)
Week 1 goals: Just get 'her' done! That's the 20k running, 2 20 min resistance sessions and a 20k ride and 1k swim, - plan, do and record doings! No performance pressure yet! Succeed on the other goals so I can tick off a successful week.
*Challenge* and study update
I'm afraid that my last 'challenge' didn't take off as I had *hoped*. After 3 or so weeks of no intense training, (just active day to day living stuff), coupled with slack eating habits, (I hate to say bingeing),....the desire to 'front up for a run and/or resistance workout to discover how much fitness I'd lost just wasn't there! Not last Monday on 1 April or Easter Monday as it was!
As well as just 'being slack' another factor contributing to my workout 'slackness' and 'feeling of stress' was my self imposed study! I am studying an online course in 'Sports Training and Development'. I am enjoying the course, am loving the subject content but get impatient with my 'inability to learn fast enough' for my liking. I feel I sit down at my study, reading, rehashing etc etc, to actually retain so little, - yet it takes hours! Getting an assignment completed and submitted is something I find stressful! All answers/essays need to be correct to pass, and I'm only allowed 2 re-sits over the year, (I don't know how strict the tutors actually are with that however that is what my course paperwork says!). The great news is I have passed the 5 from 5 things I've submitted so far, haven't used any re-sits yet. I was really concerned about my assessment from last weekend, I had to write essays on topics with the inclusions of lots of words I'd never heard of before and answer questions which I battled to make sense of, - chemistry and physics related as well! When I googled such topics and tried typing simplified questions with the words/equations outlined I got heaps of info, (such as 10 pages with words/equations that didn't make sense to me). So it was a bit of a guessing game for me trying to work out the main points, hoping they were correct/in order in my essays! Being an Easter holiday, I couldn't contact the tutors for help! Luckily all my answers were correct, but that assessment took all my Easter energy and I regret that I didn't have any day long mountain bike rides or big runs done, - things I was looking forward to after Easter! The assignment was submitted just after 7.30pm on the last day of the Easter break!
However that wasn't an excuse for me not to train, I did still have lots of study breaks bummed around generally at times, - however was always thinking of study! I have always associated sit down work/study or work where ya need to 'think' with eating whatever I possibly mentally desired in that moment in time, but not eating according to hunger! (Listening to that self sabotaging part of the brain is what it's caused!)
As I've said before, when I'm on 'track' with training and lifestyle goals, I genuinely don't have a desire to eat say sweet or cheesy or greasy food or too much protein or too large portions. What I consider lifestyle friendly foods in reasonable portions are what I genuinely enjoy. Oh yeah, - the least nutritious *extras* I most enjoy when on track are indeed well made skinny flat whites, beer and wine!
But if I feel to be 'off track' after the nutritious foods, that self sabotaging part of the brain pipes up about such things like beer battered fish, oysters, seasoned wedges, pizza, cheese, various chocolate and caramel stuff, icecream, all things similar and the like. Excuses I know, and listening to familiar behavioural patterns of mine. I've let my belt out 2 notches after recently pulling it in 2. Recently when getting back to 79kg from heaviest recent 85kg odd, (at New Year) and with attaining some new fitness and momentum, I got some expensive new icebreaker clothes and opted for Womens L, rather than XL. At that point probably XL looked a bit better as the L's gripped back rolls a bit more. But I felt on form, unstoppable and strong so bought the L thinking they would look better over the cooler months with a few more kg shed! But I've gained about 4-5kg the other way. However IF I got the XL, I probably would have stayed on track and the XL's would be getting baggy, therefore would be staying on the rack as I'd prefer to wear more fitted clothes!
Enough written for today! More details up tomorrow about THIS specific challenge which kicks off tomorrow, 8 April so, will be back then! x
As well as just 'being slack' another factor contributing to my workout 'slackness' and 'feeling of stress' was my self imposed study! I am studying an online course in 'Sports Training and Development'. I am enjoying the course, am loving the subject content but get impatient with my 'inability to learn fast enough' for my liking. I feel I sit down at my study, reading, rehashing etc etc, to actually retain so little, - yet it takes hours! Getting an assignment completed and submitted is something I find stressful! All answers/essays need to be correct to pass, and I'm only allowed 2 re-sits over the year, (I don't know how strict the tutors actually are with that however that is what my course paperwork says!). The great news is I have passed the 5 from 5 things I've submitted so far, haven't used any re-sits yet. I was really concerned about my assessment from last weekend, I had to write essays on topics with the inclusions of lots of words I'd never heard of before and answer questions which I battled to make sense of, - chemistry and physics related as well! When I googled such topics and tried typing simplified questions with the words/equations outlined I got heaps of info, (such as 10 pages with words/equations that didn't make sense to me). So it was a bit of a guessing game for me trying to work out the main points, hoping they were correct/in order in my essays! Being an Easter holiday, I couldn't contact the tutors for help! Luckily all my answers were correct, but that assessment took all my Easter energy and I regret that I didn't have any day long mountain bike rides or big runs done, - things I was looking forward to after Easter! The assignment was submitted just after 7.30pm on the last day of the Easter break!
However that wasn't an excuse for me not to train, I did still have lots of study breaks bummed around generally at times, - however was always thinking of study! I have always associated sit down work/study or work where ya need to 'think' with eating whatever I possibly mentally desired in that moment in time, but not eating according to hunger! (Listening to that self sabotaging part of the brain is what it's caused!)
As I've said before, when I'm on 'track' with training and lifestyle goals, I genuinely don't have a desire to eat say sweet or cheesy or greasy food or too much protein or too large portions. What I consider lifestyle friendly foods in reasonable portions are what I genuinely enjoy. Oh yeah, - the least nutritious *extras* I most enjoy when on track are indeed well made skinny flat whites, beer and wine!
But if I feel to be 'off track' after the nutritious foods, that self sabotaging part of the brain pipes up about such things like beer battered fish, oysters, seasoned wedges, pizza, cheese, various chocolate and caramel stuff, icecream, all things similar and the like. Excuses I know, and listening to familiar behavioural patterns of mine. I've let my belt out 2 notches after recently pulling it in 2. Recently when getting back to 79kg from heaviest recent 85kg odd, (at New Year) and with attaining some new fitness and momentum, I got some expensive new icebreaker clothes and opted for Womens L, rather than XL. At that point probably XL looked a bit better as the L's gripped back rolls a bit more. But I felt on form, unstoppable and strong so bought the L thinking they would look better over the cooler months with a few more kg shed! But I've gained about 4-5kg the other way. However IF I got the XL, I probably would have stayed on track and the XL's would be getting baggy, therefore would be staying on the rack as I'd prefer to wear more fitted clothes!
Enough written for today! More details up tomorrow about THIS specific challenge which kicks off tomorrow, 8 April so, will be back then! x
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