G'day!
Hmmm, well it's fair to say I have 'felt' busy, constantly 'behind' the ape-ball, (whatever that is) and outta the zone!
There are a few reasons outta my control for me feeling like this, (hard luck), but in all honesty lots of reasons are in my control!
OK, - start with car scams! Last weekend I was pleased with the fact I took on a project to drive somewhere slightly new and out of my normal 'narrow rut of driving'. I am a nervous driver, am very particular about roads I choose, and unless it is a very quiet road with just one lane on each side of the road, I am also picky about the time of the day I drive! Therefore going somewhere slightly 'new' or out of the way gives me a slight feeling of accomplishment! Anyway last Sunday morning, I drove to a bigger service station for the first time, used the commercial vacumn cleaner to vacumn the inside of my car, then I went through the car wash going for the top grade wash, polish and wax for $18! Then drove home, took some pics of the car. Then headed to a party on Sunday arvo.
On Monday evening after work I decided to post some ads to sell my car online. I started with the Quokka paper, couldn't work out the activation code process so gave up there! Then I tried www.gumtree.com.au, filled out all details about the car, after a bit I worked out how to downsize my photos so I could include them in my ad. I put up 6 photos! THEN, just as I was about to post, I lost the whole thing, - waste of a good couple of hours work! Very frustrating as it was bedtime! But determined Pip didn't let that stop her, so I tried again and finally got the ad posted! Felt slightly accomplished then and learnt new stuff in the process.
The next morning on my break at work I checked my smartphone to see if I had received any enquiries, and received 2! They both sounded normally casual, maybe Australian, I listed my car at a particular price but said it was negotiable in the ad! Both enquiries asked my 'firm price'. I decided to lower my negotiable price by $400 and responded to both saying I can 'do the car for that'. Their initial messages came to me via SMS, but they asked if I can please respond to their e-mail addresses and listed them, which I did.
The first response then came back to me saying the price and condition was fine, he would like to pay via PayPal, he is working overseas and would unfortunately not be able to come, view the car, wants to claim it for a holiday. He talked of his 'agent' organising a courier to come, pick car up from mine and taking it to wherever he wants to take it. I was feeling a little hesitant at this stage, but told him the car is his when I see the funds. Next he came back with garbage on how he is adding an extra $1050 to my asking price and how he would really like me to forward $950 to his 'agent' in England as that covers the courier cost. The other $100 is the 'transaction processing fee'. All said via e-mail in broken English I may add! We did a record day at work within the 2 years the current owner has had the business so that was all our focus yesterday. When I got to my phone after work this car 'guy' said he had sent the money for car PLUS $1050 to my account, would have PayPal e-mails notifying me of this, the money had left HIS account and can't be returned. For the money to reach MY account, I had to firstly forward $950 of my money via some money fund to England! THEN apparently I could access his money and he could organise details about getting the car! I did have a feeling it could be a scam, but I was concerned it wasn't, and he had really lost his money. He wanted prompt replies from me, expressed concern about his money etc. I annoyed lots of people with this story and my sister and her hubby were very helpful! Bloody hell I was stressed though, felt like a right dork and with the busy work days of late, record day at work yesterday, late nights, early mornings, things on my mind I felt tired, stupid and hopeless! And I had another similar sounding car enquiry first up e-mail from a different address and ignored it. The person now knows I know it's a scam, so the e-mails have backed off!
OK, as for holiday, I decided to try another phone call to ring travel agent. I still have flights, no evidence of funds from Kumuka, (who went bust). I booked original trip back in Feb! I still was undecided about whether to go on another similar tour which ended up sounding better but at a similar price to the original, - or just stay at a cheap resort in Thailand for the 18 days to try/save money or to not go! (I didn't want to not go). I did ring up my travel insurance company to try get a refund on flights and original tour. However Travel insurance only covers illness/accidents and lost baggage etc WHILE overseas, not cancellation of tours, that can only be done via the travel compensation fund which is already in process by my travel agent.
I will now confess the only reason why I'm not quite as excited about Thailand as I was.........was that in Feb when I booked it, I visualised going there as a fit, toned, athletic size 10 person who effortlessly looked good in a bikini, who prioritised keeping up a certain standard of fitness, (kinda in top 20% in my age group) and someone who had no food issues that concerned me but what I considered a healthy general standard! I had put in good bursts of activity to achieve this, just kept on undoing it which seems to have always been my way after I create some momentum.
Even when I started that 29 day recent challenge I knew I had rapidly put on some kg fast, thought there was a 50/50 chance I'd see 80kg. So seeing that 81kg on day 4 of that challenge really peeved me! I knew I was never going to see 62kg or even 68kg by time I hit Thailand then. I had just hoped to carry on the good work from my 29 day challenge, (I did so for a further week). So 5 weeks after the 81kg read, I saw 75.5 and felt a good bit fitter, noticed a bit more definition, but still was 32% body fat, knew I still wanted to get quite a bit leaner and fitter!
Well, the 75.5kg was a couple of weeks ago. If I was still on track/in the 'zone' and about 74 odd I would be happy enough about that. I had come to the conclusion if I stayed on track, in control, made sure parties didn't turn my habits outta control beyond the party, I would be satisfied to feel fit, in control going to Thailand at between 70-72kg odd. Magda, when I saw you in Adelaide I remember being 71.8 and actually if I am under 72kg, have been on track for a while, I am generally size 12 and feel 'reasonably attractive'. Top limit for the BMI read thing to be 25.0 or under is 72.5kg I think. I decided to aim and would have felt content if I had achieved that for Thailand.
But these last 2 weeks I have felt stressed, tired, under the pump, have binged, made friends with caramel anything, chocolate, cheese, wine, icecream, leftover shit food at work, just can't seem to get enough. Dunno what it is about carame'l! That means caramel sauce by the shitload, any icecream or gelato flavours with a strong caramel ripple and caramel sauce on top, caramel cheesecake, caramel mudcake, caramel 'slice', iced 'caramels', - new to the market! Thickshakes make with my favourite caramello type icecream, caramello chocolate! I like my hair colour even, - dark chocolate base with caramel coloured foils haha! After the carame'l/choc behaviour, came the 'cheese indulgence train' to get rid of that after sweet taste. Then with only 5 hours in bed, maybe having had added wine to hte mix the prior day, I wake with a 'junk food hangover/queazy stomach' that my mental belief tells me that only overly savoury brekkie food and lots of coffee is going to enable me to be as fast as poss, productive at work etc! All power of the mind of course! Going by how I feel, and my behaviours, I feel like that 75.5 has turned to somewhere around or at least 80 again these last 2 weeks but seeing that would seriously crush me right now! I have been active with not being in bed, racing about at work like a mad thing. But as part of the Ultra-ironman, the only thing I can record is an 18k bikeride on Saturday.
6 weeks tomorrow I depart for Thailand! 3 more days tomorrow will be my last day at work! Seriously under 72kg in 6 weeks is prob a too tough ask for how I want to go about it. I don't want to lose hard earnt muscle weight or create unsustainable habits in the lifestyle I want to ge in by losing it too fast to get there! I had further probs with itineraries/receipts which stressed me out yesterday when I was already stressed by the car scam nonsense but that takes forever to explain. But I think it will get sorted, - just hard work it feels!
So, - I have decided probably the best plan for me is for a change, - NOT weigh self for a good while, pretty much get back to a similar resistance/running/cycle routine that I was doing aiming for fitness progression on all fronts. Will accept I may have taken a couple of steps back but can still train hard. This training idea takes about 7 hours a week which I should be able to manage now. I do have a few parties on the horizon which will be fun but I still won't fit the clothes I would love to wear! Anyway the idea is to stay in control, (to a social level I'm happy with) at these social events, and be straight back on track after so I stay in control with behaviours I don't regret! I then can leave for Thailand feeling that I have been on track for 6 weeks, fitter than now, (I was getting quite fit so shouldn't be too unfit), hopefully a few fat kg less with clothes fitting better but if nothing fits or is deemed suitable I can purchase a couple of suitable garments from K-Mart. Also as a single traveller to feel safe, respect culture and not attract attention from unwanted people, it's prob best to wear loose coverup shirts and longer shorts than skimpy bikini type attire saying 'look at my hot bod' anyway.
With work feeling so busy, and too little time in bed till alarm, I am finding it all a struggle. But I admit lots of it is due to organisational planning, just finding the time to curl up, clear schedule, refocus etc is hard.........but I guess this is the real world, not earth shattering problems and to better myself for good, I need to choose a better way to deal with day to day annoyances/issues etc haha! I do know, I have a choice with how I act! I do also know, 'unwanted' urges die if we don't act on them. When 'tired'......a common excuse if 'can't be bothered', 'tomorrow', 'next week', 'next month' but it is terrible putting our 'ideal' life/behaviours on hold cause we are on a downer, tired, stressed or whatever! I do credit also I LOVE WA, Perth, - will miss it! I have created quite a bit here. NZ will be exciting, I see lots of opportunities, I just want to feel I give them a good shot to a level I am happy with when there, - not cloud it be behaviours of the last 2 weeks!
If anyone is still reading by the way, I applaud you! While I was 'almost' sucked in scam wise, I can be stubborn and determined. I know these are common issues, 2 glasses of wine tonight have put me in a good mood for now - lol, maybe expressed in how I wrote this! I love to be positive but am also fully about honesty too :-) And with everything happening, I NEED to stop spending excess money!
Till next time,
Pip :-)
Hi Pip (waving) I'm still reading :-)
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel about your upcoming holiday. I went through EXACTLY the same thing. Knowing I was fat and out of shape, I really lost enthusiasm for the holiday. Its one of the things driving me now - NEVER wanting to feel so hopeless again.
Sweetie, you have some awesome BEHAGs (big hairy arsed goals) but right now you need to aim for the smaller things you can do daily/weekly. Set yourself a few (achievable) daily and weekly goals around getting to bed at a reasonable time, avoiding sugar, moving for 30 minutes/day (you get my drift)and when they all add up you'll be slaying your BEHAGs. I know you have it in you but right now its back to basics before achieving the biggies.
xx m
Oh Pip, we've had those scam emails too re car sales - my husband now thinks most enquiries are suspicious, until someone actually turns up with the cheque or the money is in the account! You have to be so careful, and unfortunatly there are so many out there who would rely on people falling for these types of scams.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling a bit the same about my upcoming holiday too - 5 weeks til mine. I agree with Magda, smaller, daily goals are much more effective and add up to BIG changes in the long run. Plus you have much better chances of keeping them long after the holiday has gone.
Magda and Hilary, - I totally agree with you.
ReplyDeleteI have come to the decision that I indeed need to get back to basics........such as:
1) Getting to bed with lights out no later than 9.45pm weeknights, (Sun to Thurs night)....only 3 more weeks till I don't have to get up at such an early hour for work!
2) No weighing myself for at least 5 weeks, (if I indeed decide to). I want to base current thought patterns on how well I stick to my day to day objectives rather than see weight gain and keep feeling negative about that.
3) Keep on top of training, - weights, running, swimming, cycling etc, keep sugarfree except for the odd social occasions where having none makes me feel awkward, snobby, outta place etc, - but be mindful to keep it what I consider moderate, and not linger on after the occasion finishes.
4) Keep within my alcohol limits, - there will be a few up and coming social occasions, - and need to keep to at least 4 alcohol free nights each week.
Hopefully I can feel then somewhat accomplished, relatively fit, a little lighter and in the zone!