NON INSPIRING OF LATE.........

Well, - wish I had an inspiring blog post to write, - not really.

The 'challenge' didn't even fire away last week as I intended it to.  Disappointed about that.  Finding the balance required to get study in, train, work, have a social life, be organised, get enough sleep etc has still eluded me.

Biggest mental strain has indeed been the study.  I get it done at a snails pace, but it consumes lots of my time when not working!  I enjoy the topics, but just work myself into bouts of frustration in the process. 

And when attempting to stop binge eating (with the idea of it FINALLY being for good)....my old habits/sabotaging part of brain/animal brain or whatever it's called still went on in it's sabotaging/hopeless type of way.  All the negative self talk,  such as 'you won't succeed long term/haven't yet etc' kept surfacing!  I'm naturally a 'black and white' type more so, - last week was attempting a more 'grey' side of things, - but just didn't like that so much as I didn't feel there was enough drive or focus to really move forward in anything!

On the plus, I made it through all weeknights without alcohol, - although sadly made up for it (too much) on Friday and Saturday night followed by stupid totally crazy eating.  Last week when I was studying, (still trying to find my ideal 'zone' and dreading a hard training session to tell me what newly gained fitness was lost)......strong crazy irrational sabotaging 'thoughts' about crazy foods 'I just wanted to tick off, before feeling 'on track', were on my mind.  I had some of them, ignored the urges for others, (which left) eventually.

The silly thing I will say again is, - when 'on track' I genuinely very rarely have a desire for such types of food, - if for some reason I do I can organise to enjoy some in a quantity I consider reasonable and that is that if I choose.

I'm so so over talking about binge eating or feeling I have a problem with it.  I've infact been reading up on it heaps recently.  I'm mad that I haven't permanently rectified this yet, I know I CAN do it, and even HAVE done it for 6 consecutive months before on a couple of occasions.

In saying that, - I totally respect, look up to and admire many qualified bloggers who manage to juggle training, work, family, maybe study and a life.  And I know by the scheme of the problems in the world and that many people face, - mine are very minor.  What I would love is: to say 'I will never binge eat or drink an amount of alochol I'm ashamed of, ever again and actually believe it, - and for anyone I told to actually believe me'!

Actions are louder than words, and I don't ever give up! :-)  Time to snap the yoyo for good!