In response to the challenge I was supposed to start today.............it wasn't the best!
I was psyching myself up last night, - * this will be it, end of the 'yo-yo' garbage etc. I will *get* and *stay* fit.
Monday-itus set in. Late last week we were told we were expected to have today off work. Therefore as I spent most of Easter studying, - I decided to relax, do other stuff over the weekend with the *intention* to study most of today haha! The work situation changed, Sunday evening we were informed we were working today. No problem and the nature of the business I know. However I do plan my time and was cursing the fact I decided to relax/do housework/enjoyable activites as well/bumming around most of the weekend! I will still get the study done, no dire measure needed yet!
I'm usually more psyched in the evening, less when woken by alarm in the morning.
Another little thing, - from the runs/events I've participated in I have run into a girl I went to school with in 2 of my races, have added eachother on facebook. She gave me a message about up and coming races, it was great to hear from her, I told her how I was considering joining a local social netball team, - but with 1 evening practice a week, then a social Friday evening game, I decided I may be taking on too much if I do the 2 Crossfit workouts a week, (which I've put my name down for and followed up further with today). To get to those Crossfit workouts is 30k each way from my home. Also still want to get my minimum of 20k a week running in along with a ride and swim or preferably both. I would love to do the social netball, but think the Crossfit would be more beneficial fitness wise and they would overlap.
Anyway this girl I went to high school with invited me to play social basketball on her team. I told her I'd never played, wasn't fully sure of the rules. This is one day a week, (Monday evenings) and the trip is over 40k each way the other direction from the town with Crossfit! She said the teams were purely very social, but had been playing for ages! I imagined they all knew each other well, supported each other but would play fairly and aggressively in reason. My friend who invited me, said tonights opposition team included lots of her work mates so there could be some fun rivelry!
We worked late and a), I couldn't be arsed going and it would have been a rushed trip, b), I wanted to study more, (got a small bit done) and c), - the main one, - I was scared! I was scared of not picking up the rules as quickly as I wanted, scared of not looking as good as the other players, scared of making dumb errors. I know I would get encouragement such as 'pass here Pip, next time do 'this' instead of 'this' and too much would make me nervous, anxious, myself feeling the need to 'overtry', then me feeling deflated and hopeless on the drive home! So I didn't go, sent her a text saying we were working late.
Don't know what it was.....just general habit on 'day 1' of starting a challenge which I hope to last a lifetime I think, BUT my mind was in overdrive about wanting....caramello chocolate, starbucks caramel frappacino, lemon self saucing pudding, sweet toblerone cocktail, skinny flat white, wine, cheese and crackers, kahlua coffee, even macaroni cheese and some gourmet pizza! Not particularly wanting just one of these, but the self sabotaging brain wanting ALL! I have experienced this on the first couple of days of a new 'challenge', but after a couple of days of not listening, the urges for such food completely go, (other than the skinny flat white coffee and wine!)
YES, I can eat any of the above foods if I really want them, none are banned, - but I just want to eat them in a way where I'm happy with decision/amount, and where I feel control, no sabotage or guilt. BUT the funny thing is when in the zone, - I'm genuinely not interested. If I really was, and knew I would be satisfied with a distinct something, and distinct portion, occasionally I'd have it.
All a mental game I know. As for tonight, I overdid the chocolate but nothing else on the above list but right now feel too sickly full but not interested to get my hands on anything else right now. To get rid of the 'oversweet' feel from the chocolate I had some egg white/salmon/vegie quiche, lunch tomoz too.
So nothing new! I just guess it's just winning the challenge of controlling moods, making controlled non-sabotaging decisions I'm happy with. Self sabotaging thoughts/urges do leave if ignored....such as tonights wine one!
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